Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Au Reveals All!

Au, hero of Katz Tales, speaks. As Au’s language is too sophisticated for some audiences, he allows his personal servant Ellen Whyte to write the columns and the book in her own way.

However, as a rare treat, Au types his own message for Bibliobuli :

Helo reederz. i dont do intervoows ewesualy but as Sharon sends homidge often i haf graceeousli agreed to tak two yoo. And too tipe it myself. There is no need to fank me; just send a rost chikkin.

Sharon aksed me to shair my eksperiences as a faymus kat. Wel, what kan i say? i have always been a top kat so i am used to kontinual adorasyun.

Anyone hoo nos me, howevver, wil tel yoo i am a verry low-key kat. i have just too devoted servants, wun male and wun feemale. They make shure the big grey boks in the kitshun is stakked with treets and the kat biscuit barrel is all ways ful. Wen they perform reely wel i alow them to squizle my chin or play a game. Sum strikter kats wud say i spoil them but what kan i say, i am a just a verry kind kat by nature.

Wen the feemale began witing abowt me, i wuz in two mines.

On the wun paw i pweffer to keep a low pwofile becuz it makes it eazier to katch mice. Also, i don like peeple fawning al over me. i no my b
eauyooti, wit and grasiousness ar a magnet for the rabble, but al that hommage kan git verry tiring verry quikly.

However, the feemale promissed me that her storees wud enshoor a perminent flow of treetz. She also promissed i wud have to make no pershunal apearanses. Plus, she pointed owt that not evriwun nos what it is like to live with sumone as wunderfool as me. This final point perswayded me.

What the feemale had not mensioned wur the foto shoots.

I wuz verry patient wen she tuk my purrtrait for the buk cuvur but i objekt to those kandid pitshures she splashes al over the place withowt eeven asking my permizion. i meen, how wud yoo feel if sumone fotograffed yoo sleepin and eksposed yoor prozpiroos tummy to the nasion? i am not a poleetiseeyon!

But the feemale has been verry good abowt keeping my fans away.
Wen they visit i luk at dem and deeside if they ar worthy of an audienze. Okkasionaly, if their hands ar kleen and they ar properli respektful, i wil alow them to stroke me. i beleef wun must enkorage wuns infeerreeors in everry way, eeven if it meenz sum pershunal sakrifice.

Allso, she has kept me properli suplied with treetz. Wich reminds me: i havent had wun in abowt 20 minootes. Before i go and poot in my order, i wud like to say wun thing: buy the buk! Not only is it filed with wunnerful stories al abowt me but 10% of the feemale’s share wil go to help owt kitties hoo ar living withowt the benefit of pershunal servants.

Bye now. I haf too eet a treet.

Katz Tales, Living Under The Velvet Paw is out in bookshops now. Price RM28 ISBN: 978-967-3035-64-9. For a free sneak peak and free sample story, visit http://www.lepak.com/katztalesbook.html


Kama said...

Awwww Au, ... you had me at "Helo.." 8=)

lyna ua said...

Au...you sound very Scottish! You are cute, naughty and adorable! My 'princess' might like you!

Alan said...

Longest LOLCat caption so far. Can this be an afterword for the book? Next edition, perhaps?

Damyanti said...

Some of my cat-loving friends would so adore this!

katztales said...

Thanks for this Sharon, really appreciate it!

bibliobibuli said...

haha. no thank Au!

firethorn said...

ooo~ i like this post. Cat's talk is soooo cute! Meow~