Keeping It Locked Inside

Ah the power of words to haunt over time ...

He wrote these lyrics for me he said. It was the one song on the album that Kevin, the lead singer had not been able to produce words for. So Geoff stepped in. Can still see the words on the notebook page he wrote them on.

It's about you, he said, the way that you always lack the courage to do the things in life you want. The way you're always afraid to try. The way you always play safe and hide yourself in books.

(What did I want? I was so tired trying to cope with my first teaching job in one of the city's roughest schools that I doubt I could have told you. And my boring job kept us in rent, food and him in dope.)

The album (Searching for the Young Soul Rebels) is now considered one of the classics of all time (at least in Britain).

And the song always haunts me. Am I still someone who lacks the essential courage to get out and follow-up on dreams? I have had a successful teaching career, I've travelled widely, I coped with two years in a remote part of the African bush, I've got some work published, I've managed to stay married for fourteen years. But the fear is still there that ... just maybe he was right about me.

Damn internal critic, thorn in my side.

He sticks out his tongue at me from distance of almost a quarter of a century (am I so old?) and says "Playing it safe! Playing it safe! See I told you so."

Why won't he ever be gone from my head? (Not to mention heart.)


Keep it
Dexy's Midnight Runners

The world lives in your front room
You're sitting happy in gloom
Fate worries you, you will not give her room
You give credit for might, inspiration and sight,
But you miss the point, you won't join in the fight
You think to use is to lose
So you're clinging, pulling, pleading

Try to keep it safe
Keep it cosy but it feels so out of place
You're feeling a loss but you're not fit to make it

You're offered so much but you're frightened to take it.

It never was really proved, never was understood,
But there really is no virtue in the good
They're shouting so loud that they'd do better to mine
You're deafened and you cannot hear the rhyme
But secrets in whispers pull you, try to tempt you

Try and keep it safe
Keep it cosy but it feels so out of place
You're feeling a loss but you're not fit to make it
You're offered so much but you're not going to take it.

You beg for help and advice, how to handle your life,
But you dare not move, you cannot pay the price
Chances slip, you just shatter, flatter, forget what matters

Spout your lines, read all your books
You hear the sounds, miss all the hooks
Your best is what you least understand
You hate the graft, won't join the race,
You're scared to scar your pretty face
State now cos your head's in the sand.