Sex, Religion, Royalty, Onions and Milk

Syed calls. Nino's hovering in the background adding her comments. I haven't heard from him for months and I'm trying to be angry about the night I cooked up a storm for them both, and my dinner party slipped their minds. As I say, I'm trying to be angry but fail miserably because I'm so delighted to hear Syed's voice.

"We really miss you," he says. And I melt. "Sharon binti Syed. If it's a daughter Nino wants to name it after you."

"Oh my goodness, you're phoning me to say Nino's pregnant?"

I'm mentally calculating Nino's age, surely ....?

"No, no, it's me that's pregnant. My belly's getting bigger all the time. I tell her that if we have a kid we'll have to call it Anchor beer."

We catch up on each other's news. He invites me over to their house and I know I will go soon. We reminisce about how we first met in Kuala Kangsar, retelling the story and filling in the bits the other has forgotten.

"And yes, we talked about Anthony Burgess at the Rest House, I remember."

He pauses for a second.

"You know," he said, "he taught me that there are just three ingredients to a good story."

My God, he's giving out the master's secrets and I have to write these words of wisdom down.

"This was way back in 1955 when I was sitting in his classroom in U.K. ... that's Ulu Kelantan ... He said the first ingredient of a good story is sex. The second one is religion. The third one is royalty."

I scribble sex, religion, royalty at the bottom of the shopping list under onions and milk.

"... And Burgess then wrote this sentence on the board 'Oh God the Queen Mother's pregnant again' and said it was a short story in itself because it combined all three elements."

"How much of this is bullshit?" I ask.

"Probably most of it," laughs Syed.

I must catch up with Syed and Nino soon, collect more stories, bullshit or not.

"We love you," says Syed as we say goodnight. That love runs both ways.